Posted on Thu, Jul 29, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
In any environment, from school to work, you have to be your own biggest advocate. Yet, there is a difference between being a braggart and effective self-promotion.
The key is to acknowledge your role in each project to ensure you receive the accolades or simple recognition that burnishes your business reputation and makes advancement possible. Pointing out successes will highlight your ability, but it must be done in a tactful and respectful manner. Couching these accomplishments as they relate to your department, a specific marketing plan, or even company philosophy, is a helpful way to position your role—and your achievements—as integral to the organization.
In the working world, the power dynamic must also be respected and business etiquette must be followed. Acknowledging input from every hierarchical level demonstrates your capacity to go beyond selfless promotion and be a team player—something every company desires.
When your efforts are recognized, it is important to thank the person who is providing the praise and, again, highlight contributions from co-workers. Remaining deferential to superiors is also important to show that you will not let compliments inflate your ego to super-sized proportions.
While, no one wants to be seen as a braggart, everyone wants to receive a pat on the back for a job well done. In the business world, however, making sure you do so tactfully will leave the door open to future acclaim.
Posted on Tue, Jul 27, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
As much as you may get along with and share the same opinions as your coworkers, there will inevitably be times when you do not. Yet, what makes the difference in not only how you are perceived in the office but your future working relationships as well is how you choose to deal with these conflicts. The main takeaway is to learn how not to offend others. When a coworker feels slighted, it takes time and energy to smooth things over—and there is no guarantee of a full recovery.
Acknowledging the other point of view is of primary importance because it shows that while you may have a different opinion, you are not discounting theirs. Responses such as, “I appreciate your contribution,” or “That’s a good idea; however, we may have to go in another direction,” do not diminish another person’s ideas, but still communicate the point that an alternative tract will probably be selected.
Many times, the things that can get us in trouble at work are the subtle comments or off-hand remarks that we can’t anticipate will have a negative effect on others. Certain potentially offending topics like religion, politics, and relationships should be avoided at all costs. It is also wise to pause before forwarding any cartoons or jokes, as you never know what may be an emotional trigger for a coworker.
If you do happen to read a message that gets you riled up, or if you take part in a contentious exchange, always consider the aftermath. Never send any message or make a phone call in the heat of an angry moment—it is better to take a minute to cool off and reconsider your communication. When stating your point via email, it helps to read the message aloud before sending, to ensure the tone is appropriate.
Often, a sincere apology is (with luck) all that is needed. By acknowledging that you made a mistake, or merely offering to clear the air, you extend an olive branch that demonstrates your maturity and ability to rise above conflict for the sake of a stable working environment.
Much like paying taxes, disagreements in the workplace are inevitable. What happens after a flare-up is your chance to prove to yourself and your coworkers how accommodating and professional you truly are. By keeping this in mind, you raise not only your standard of professional etiquette, but that of all those around you as well.
If you disagree with anything written above, please offer your inoffensive comments below.
Posted on Thu, Jul 22, 2010
Photo: Mary Mitchell and Letitia Baldrige, former White House social secretary for Mrs.Kennedy
by Mary Mitchell, Author of “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Etiquette.”
I’m far too polite to mention names yet I ask you: what is wrong with this picture?
Two party-crashers finagle their way into a State dinner at the White House. They shake the President's hand and get hugged by the Vice President, with worldwide photo documentation of this outrageous social travesty.
The White House social secretary responsible for the event loses her job. One of the crashers ends up starring in a television series.
Am I crazy, or have we devolved into a society that rewards rudeness, arrogance, and hubris?
Let's stop this madness before it becomes contagious.
Reflect if you will, on the nature of a business dinner.
Every business/social event has an agenda which is established by the host.
As members of a global marketplace, we need to remember that other cultures are far more formal than the United States, and the result of crashing a business social event could seriously decimate a person's - and thus his or her company's - credibility.
Letitia Baldrige, former White House social secretary and, not incidentally, author of the first book dedicated entirely to business etiquette among the 24 titles to her credit, weighed in on this matter.
"Going to a party uninvited always has been a negative action. It never has been acceptable. At the very least, it upsets kitchen preparations, parking arrangements, and even details such as space for hanging coats and depositing dripping umbrellas.
Crashing could not be more inconsiderate to a host. It is a negative act, because hosts likely have a particular plan for the event, an intention to move guests' attitudes in a certain direction.
The party reels off course, and it is entirely the fault of the uninvited guests. The custom of going to a party only when we have been invited is a necessary, attractive, decent way for a party to evolve."
Nonetheless, premeditated crashing continues, almost as if it were a treasure hunt.
How do we handle the dreaded uninvited guest at our dinner party? Baldrige says: "I have always gone on the attack, taking the person gently aside, so others cannot hear me say 'I don't believe you are on tonight's list. I am sure you must be on the list for another night.' I use the word 'tonight' over and over because a guest should learn what the word means.
"Eventually word gets around that so-and-so was asked to leave the party. That's how a nation's manners are going to be taught - from watching others' behavior and learning from the effects of that behavior," she continued.
What disturbs this columnist about the gate-crashers is their consummate self-absorption. Guests have a role which is equally as important as the host's to ensure the success of the occasion.
In other words, guests should "sing for their supper," the results of which frequently are repeat invitations and valuable business contacts.
Here are some guidelines:
1. Respond as soon as your invitation arrives.
2. Make sure you know what kind of party it is - holiday celebration, retirement, opening of new office, introducing new member of a company? That kind of information provides important clues as to the nature of the party and how to make the most of it.
3. Do not arrive even one minute early. Arrive no later than 30 minutes after the scheduled arrival time.
4. Dress for the occasion. If you are not sure what the dress code is, call the host and ask.
5. Avoid those drippy, messy, greasy hors d'oeuvres. They make for unpleasant handshakes, as do wet, cold hands from glasses with ice. (Carry drinks in left hand so the right hand is free to shake.)
6. Drink alcohol in extreme moderation -- possibly, not at all. (No apologies necessary for not drinking alcohol.)
7. Be genuinely interested in the other guests, introduce yourself, and make an effort to draw out loners.
8. Make sure you greet your host when you arrive and thank your host when you leave.
9. Don't monopolize hosts' time.
10. Write your host a thank-you note after the event. So few people take the time to hand write correspondence that this simple act can set you, and your organization, apart as a class act.
A party is only as good as its guests -- specifically, its invited guests -- invited guests who are savvy enough to get out of their own egos to contribute to a successful, constructive occasion.
And why, you might ask, do we bother to pay attention to these things?
I maintain that we bother because good manners create good relationships. Good relationships create good business. It's not the other way around. If only party crashers could understand this.
About Mary Mitchell:
Mary Mitchell has written several books on the subject of etiquette, including "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette" and "Class Acts." She is also the founder of executive training consultancy The Mitchell Organization with the website www.themitchell.org. The opinions expressed are her own.
http://www.themitchell.org/
About Letitia Baldrige:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Letitia_Baldrige
(Editing by Belinda Goldsmith)
Posted on Tue, Jul 20, 2010
by Lyudmila Bloch, Etiquette Expert
Photo credit by www. seathogs.com
“As Metro congestion grows, so does anger at 'seat hogs,” writes Ann Scott Tyson in the July 19, 2010, issue of The Washington Post, after she interviewed a number of Metro riders in our nation’s capital. She notes that “in New York, subway authorities have banned selfishness with seats. A rider who occupies more than one seat, places a foot on a seat, lies on the floor or blocks movement on a train risks being cited for ’disorderly conduct’ and charged a $50 fine.”
Unfortunately, those rules are not enforced, because the MTA does not have the budget to enforce these regulations.
“Many people simply don’t care, perhaps unable to grasp any sense of social contract. Etiquette often is ’N/A,’ with people/goons who: blast their headphones on the subway, smack and pop their chewing gum, spread their legs across both neighboring seats, and leave fast-food trash behind them. These infractions are much different than things like the occasional pause at the top/bottom of stairs, or the absent-minded veer into your path. How should the ’etiquette enabled’ crowd respond in these ’N/A’ situations?”— asked a New York Times reader, when I was taking questions on ”Etiquette in New York” back in May, 2010.(http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/03/ask-about-etiquette-in-new-york/)
How can we deal with rude and arrogant seat hogs and other offenders who eat, drink, and clip nails while we are within inches of their repulsive acts?
A subway ride in New York City is my daily challenge because of the gross behavior on display 24/7, and I try to avoid it at all costs. The only solution I can offer is a massive public education campaign in subways, train stations, stadiums, parks, etc. The MTA has rules of conduct, but they are not often enforced, as I mentioned earlier. To effectively impact the general public, we need to advertise our message loud and clear.
Over the past two years, many New Yorkers have grown so fed up with etiquette slobs -- especially in tight, enclosed spaces like trains and buses – that they’ve taken the matter into their own hands. One artist created a series of posters to promote etiquette awareness, and another group called Holla Back New York started publishing pictures online of offensive behaviors.
AM NEW YORK reported back in April 2010, that “the lifelong New Yorker surreptitiously snaps photos of commuters with his cell phone and posts them on the site (www.trainpigsponk.blogspot.com), which has attracted 25,000 hits since it launched last year. Sickened commuters generated about 40 percent of the 300 posts, according to the ’Head Pigparazzi in Charge,’ as the blogger calls himself.” At about the same time, on April 16, 2010, I gave an interview on the same subject to CBS Evening News in New York /Watchdog Web Sites Exploit Bad NYC Subway Behavior. (http://http://wcbstv.com/seenat11/nyc.subways.subway.2.1636240.html
During the interview this blogger was off camera, and his voice was altered for his protection. Apparently, some irate “train hogs,” whose pictures were posted on his website, had threatened the blogger, and he could not reveal his identity.
Pro-social behavior is uncommon conduct among many New Yorkers and D.C. residents -- as pointed out by the media mentioned in this blog. The only solution to this nightmare is a consistent public campaign for civility, and public support for this cause!
Posted on Mon, Jul 19, 2010
Social Etiquette in Action: What Men Hate about Facebook. The do's and dont's of social etiquette online. It's funny and entertaining! What say you? Feel free to leave a comment or suggestion. Thanks!
Posted on Wed, Jul 14, 2010
by Dan Rockwell,
Author of Leadership Freak and Our Guest Blogger
Let’s begin by acknowledging the positive value of making mistakes. Mistakes indicate you are trying new things. Einstein put it this way, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
Furthermore, realizing our mistakes enlightens us. James Joyce explained, “A man's errors are his portals of discovery.” Most importantly, our mistakes make us. While successes reiterate who we are, mistakes create and recreate us. My own life illustrates the formative power of a single crucial mistake. Before sharing my personal big blunder, here are the top mistakes I think leaders make.
Clinging to the command and control model of leadership is catastrophic when knowledge workers are involved. Knowledge workers frequently know more than the boss. Command and control leaders frustrate and de-motivate. However, setting knowledge workers free leverages their skills, enhances their effectiveness and allows companies to exceed the reach of management.
Losing the big picture in the details slows forward momentum, lowers productivity, creates unnecessary stress, and under-utilizes talented staff. Leaders reach higher and go further when they delegate rather than dive into details.
Neglecting the big Mo creates flat individuals and organizations. Untended organizations naturally cool down and become problem centric structures with negative attitudes. Leaders may forget the power of celebrating small wins to create and nurture momentum.
Being free with correction and stingy with affirmation creates negative work environments. Leaders naturally work toward higher effectiveness and efficiency. They easily become correctors. Ken Blanchard’s experience indicates that it takes four positive comments to balance one negative comment. Think of it. You need four affirmations to get back to a positive work environment after only one negative comment.
"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." Michelangelo
My biggest mistake of all. The single most crucial mistake I ever made is focusing on mission to the exclusion of vision. Mission expresses your purpose in the present. For example, “To serve and protect,” explains the mission of law enforcement. Their mission does not create a new future -- it preserves the present.
“It’s a terrible thing to see and have no vision.” Helen Keller
Personnel issues, pressing problems, meetings, budgets, and other pressing urgencies capture a leader’s attention and limit focus to the present or, at best, near future. However, vision requires letting go of the present while pressing into a preferred, yet distant future. Vision is about not yet, not here, and not now. It’s about becoming.
I lived much of my life focusing on exceptional performance in the present while neglecting a forward-facing, future-making vision. I did this because I believed a lie. I believed that doing my best in the present would create the future I desired. Like all good lies, the lie I believed is partially true.
It’s true that excellence in the present (mission) is essential for success. However, excellence in the present isn’t the same as reaching toward an unrealized dream. For that you need vision.
It took years for me to see the mistake of living a mission driven rather than a vision-driven life. I’m glad to say that Joyce is right. My mistake became the portal of discovery.
Vision energizes leaders and enables endurance. Vision gives direction and infuses the present with meaning.
***
Dan Rockwell is the author of Leadership Freak a personal development blog designed to help leaders reach higher in 300 words or less.
To read our previous post by Jeremy Willinger on importance of leadership, please click on this link: http://www.etiquetteoutreach.com/blog_new-york-etiquette-guide/bid/44961/Leading-Not-Following-The-Importance-of-Effective-Leadership
Posted on Thu, Jul 08, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
Having already covered, this post will offer ideas on what to do midway through, and at the end of, a new interaction.
In any exchange, there exists the potential for a disagreement. Conversational pitfalls go beyond talking about religion or making a disparaging remark about someone else’s looks, and oftentimes it is the more subtle slights or unbeknownst-to-you offenses that people most remember.
When speaking with another person, whether a recent introduction or an old friend, the rules of etiquette remain. While avoiding conversational challenges—like bragging, monopolizing time, or being aggressive in body language or a line of questioning—is key to successful interactions, focusing your attention on the other person and offering measured, thoughtful responses is the most important aspect of any discussion.
These responses advance a conversation to the next level of familiarity and cement positive impressions—especially relevant to networking events. Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, such as knowing you are too talkative will help you avoid any potentially harmful or awkward situations. If you are not knowledgeable about certain topics but those topics are introduced, it is a good opportunity to demonstrate your listening and social skills. Asking questions will make the other person feel important, and you can always say, “I don’t know much about that topic. However, if it is as interesting as you describe, I would be open to learning more.”
By avoiding general questions, you help drill down to specific tips and information that will be useful in following up or finding new recommendations. Instead of asking, “Do you like to eat out?” you can refine that to, “I am always looking for a new place to get sushi. Have you been to a good sushi bar recently that you can recommend?”
Being conscious of how you are asking questions is also of primary importance. Asking questions—if you are being genuine—is good, but asking without caring about the response is not only poor etiquette but might very well be broadcast in your body language and tone of voice.
Inevitably, in the normal course of conversation, you will come across a topic or opinion that you disagree with. The key to expressing your point of view is not to minimize the other person’s outlook. Acknowledging their opinion as valid—provided it isn’t offensive—should be the first line in your response. “That is an interesting take, but my experience is a bit different,” or “I respectfully disagree, though I do understand where you are coming from” are two ways to deflect their remarks while remaining polite.
At the end of a conversation, it is always important to wrap things up on a friendly note and articulate the next step. At a networking event, saying, “I enjoyed speaking with you and look forward to following up,” is a good example. However, you should never feel guilty about making a quick exit from a pushy individual or negative complainer. A simple “Thank you for your time,” will suffice here.
Along with the simple joy of human connection, conversations offer, at their core, opportunities to court personal success and gain new knowledge. Approaching them with this mindset will help to ensure that each dialogue is maximized to thoroughly benefit each party. To read more about conversation, go to the blog "How to Initiate a Conversation?" Part 1
Posted on Sat, Jul 03, 2010
Courtesy of Food Network
Photo Credit: Getty Images; Middle Eastern Burger
To make perfect burgers for your BBQ party follow these tips from Tyler Florence on how to select your ground beef.
How to Select your Meat:
If you're going to make a beef burger, your first decision takes place in the butcher or meat department. Your ground beef choices are usually chuck, round, and sirloin. Here is what you need to know to get the burger you desire:
- Chuck is your classic burger meat and is usually the most flavorful, simply because it has the most fat. Ground round is the leanest of the three, with sirloin in the middle range. Sirloin has a great flavor, but it is the most expensive.
- Packages either identify the percentage of lean to fat, i.e. 80 percent lean/20% fat (the maximum fat allowed by law is 30%), or sometimes just the primal cut, meaning chuck, sirloin, or round.
- Fat gives beef burgers flavor and "juiciness," and if the meat is too lean, it has a tendency to dry out when cooking.
One of our favorite beef combinations is half chuck, half sirloin. You get the great taste of sirloin with the juiciness of chuck.
Perfect Burger: Recipe courtesy by Bobby Flay
Prep Time: 10 min.
Cook Time: 10 min.
Level: Easy
Serves: 4 servings
Ingredients:
- 1 1/2 pounds ground chuck (80 percent lean) or ground turkey (90 percent lean)
- Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
- 1 1/2 tablespoons canola oil
- 4 slices cheese (optional)
- 4 hamburger buns, split; toasted, if desired
Directions:
Toasted Burger Buns
Divide the meat into 4 equal portions (about 6 ounces each). Form each portion loosely into a 3/4-inch-thick burger and make a deep depression in the center with your thumb. Season both sides of each burger with salt and pepper.
IF USING A GRILL:
Heat a gas grill to high or heat coals in a charcoal grill until they glow bright orange and ash over. Brush the burgers with the oil. Grill the burgers until golden brown and slightly charred on the first side, about 3 minutes for beef and 5 minutes for turkey. Flip over the burgers. Cook beef burgers until golden brown and slightly charred on the second side, 4 minutes for medium rare (3 minutes if topping with cheese; see step 3) or until cooked to desired degree of doneness (see page 17 for approximate cooking times).
Bon Appetit and Happy 4th of July from Etiquette Expert New York!
Posted on Tue, Jun 29, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
In today’s economy, especially after witnessing the implosion of the banking industry, many feel that once-trustworthy bankers do not have the interests of the average investor at heart. Between Bernie Madoff, Lehman Brothers, Wachovia, and Goldman Sachs, there has been no shortage of newsworthy developments to inflame cynicism and create a prevailing attitude that banks not only exploited consumers’ trust, but were richly rewarded for that behavior.
How is Main Street supposed to have confidence in Wall Street after witnessing not only rapidly dwindling returns but a taxpayer-funded bailout to keep them afloat? The onus is on both lender and customer to rebuild this fractured relationship. Simply avoiding financial institutions is not an option—businesses need these companies to set up shop, expand, and hire new employees once successful. While companies that make home safes are reporting a 25 percent increase in sales, one of the bright spots in a troubled economy, the solution for individuals will never be stashing retirement funds at home—in either safes or mattresses.
Banks must now redouble their efforts to restore integrity and positive public perception. Moving beyond improved customer service for private investors, banks need to leave behind their old philosophy and change their entire way of doing business (which seems to have been making money for themselves while ripping off customers).
At its core, this is a return to unimpeachable business etiquette, where building and fostering business relations is based on integrity, best practices, and cultural and regional sensitivities. This will not be an instantaneous process—trust is a state that cannot be restored overnight.
Consumers need to understand in exactly what—and with whom—they are investing, and feel confident that they are making the right decision. Further, they need to understand that though they may have invested through a financial institution, they must be the ones who are making responsible decisions to the best of their ability. Above all, investors must remember, as so many disclaimers tell us, that past performance is no guarantee of future results.
The rules of business etiquette teach us, among other things, to offer only reliable advice that keeps our customers’ best interests as the priority. Banks of the future will have to heed this rule more than any other as they rebuild the loyalty that evaporated along with the balance of our 401Ks.
Posted on Mon, Jun 21, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
It all begins with an introduction but in that moment, everything is at stake. From a networking seminar to a first date, the first five seconds of any meeting define your partner’s opinion of you as well as the balance of power in the interaction. Despite this pressure, handshakes—and, with luck, business cards—are exchanged and a new relationship begins.
As you start a conversation, the initial greeting should be brief, friendly, and incorporate open body language. Crossed arms and a disinterested expression on your face are easy ways to ensure a limited exchange. While speaking clearly and at an appropriate volume will showcase your assertiveness, extensive hand gestures or any unusual mannerisms will detract from your delivery and the other’s impression of your intelligence. Your handshake should be firm but without too much pressure—especially if you are greeting a female or an older person.
In the first several minutes of conversation, topics should reference the reason both of you are in the same place at the same time, as well as more general subjects. Only after you have established a level of comfort (which will probably not be during this initial interaction) should personal subject matter—such as marital status or religion—even be contemplated.
No matter the subject of conversation, it is imperative that each party be a good listener. Focusing on the other person demonstrates respect and enables you to anticipate follow-up questions that advance the conversation. If there is a group discussion, say, at a networking event, wait for an appropriate time to ingratiate yourself—ideally at a low point in the conversation, or when someone excuses him - or herself, leaving an opening for an introduction. As the entire dynamic of the group can be altered if someone intrudes, good timing is good etiquette.
While it is important to know how to initiate a conversation, it is also essential to know when—and how—to end one. Especially at an event where you are meeting for the first time, it is considered boorish to monopolize someone’s time. Once the connection has been made, make plans to follow up, and excuse yourself politely. Key to maintaining the connection is promptly following through after the event to launch this new relationship.
Since conversations are at the heart of all business deals, personal relationships, and career advancement, an introduction should always be weighed carefully. By choosing your words thoughtfully, and remaining focused on the other person, you greatly increase the likelihood of a simple introduction blossoming into a meaningful connection.