Posted on Wed, Feb 01, 2012
by Meghan Keneally
Sommeliers study for years to truly understand the nuanced differences between each sniff and sip of the worlds’ wines, but by learning a handful of key facts, you will be able to impress while helping to pick the wine at a business dinner. By taking general drinking etiquette and business etiquette into account, as well as some simple rules about pairing food with wine, you will be able to appear vaguely knowledgeable about the delicacy during a fancy dinner.
Being appropriate when it comes to alcohol:
Dinners with clients are seen as opportunities to both thank a company for their business, but also to charm them into continuing your working relationship. As a result, it is important to practice proper business dining etiquette while ‘wining and dining’ clients. Wine has long been associated with the higher classes of society, but by taking the time to know both what types of wine you like and what wines are popular, you will be able to show that you have a grasp on the field.
When it comes to the price point, that depends both on the clients that you are trying to impress (and how much they are worth) and your expense account. While a pricier pick does leave an impression, you can easily show your skills by choosing the appropriate type of wine for the meal.
Picking perfect pairings:
Depending on the formality of the restaurant and the occasion, diners will typically either order one or two types of wine for one meal. If going for only one, white wine is probably the safest bet since it works for appetizers, main courses with either fish or fowl, and desserts. Red wines are best suited for heartier game or steak dishes.
If you asked a trained professional to divide white wines into categories, they could write you a dissertation. The crudest version divides whites into groups of either dry whites (Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc, or Chardonnay) or sweet whites (Reisling, dessert wines like Marsala or Champagne).
Talking the talk and the Three W’s
With wine tasting courses making frequent appearances on group-sponsored coupon sites, many average diners are learning more about what they are drinking, and, as a result, have started using the wine vocabulary words that were once left solely for sommeliers. If a conversation about the wine selection begins at your business dinner, there are a few keywords that you can drop to describe your thoughts on the wine.
Body, degree of delicacy, and dryness are all terms used to describe the taste of the wine when it is in your mouth. If it has a bold flavor it can be described as being full-bodied, or if is more muted and temperate, perhaps the wine is delicate and dry. The aftertaste left by a wine after it is swallowed is called the finish, and higher quality wines tend to have a longer-lasting finish. If you want to get particularly technical, you can mention the complexity or bouquet of the flavors of the wine. Similarly, the acidity and balance are ways to describe the ‘bite’ (or lack-there-of) in a sip.
The basics of selecting wine, however, are widdled down to the three W’s: The Where (which is known as the region of the wine), The When (the vintage of a wine is the year in which it was produced), and The What (the type of wine- Pinot Noir, Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc- describes the type of grape used).
Posted on Mon, Jan 30, 2012
by Randall Mah
The inscrutable Chinese. It’s an old stereotype rooted in the exoticism that China’s culture often still evokes, but it may hold some truth. The subtle and indirect way in which Chinese often communicate can leave a foreigner confused and frustrated. The following anecdote highlights two essential aspects of Chinese culture: placing the group above the individual and saving face.
Daniel, my fellow American exchange student at the University of Hong Kong, unknowingly did things the local students in our dormitory deemed inappropriate, most notably using up too much space in the refrigerator and having female guests on our floor late at night. Consequently, the local students limited their interactions with Daniel and the floor leader started hinting at changing his behavior. None of the locals, however, would directly explain what was wrong, which left Daniel frustrated and upset. Eventually, after talking privately and individually with the floor leader and some of the locals, Daniel learned of the underlying irritation and henceforth everybody tried to be more accommodating.
According to Confucian philosophy, a person is seen in relation to others rather than as an isolated individual. The good of the group is placed above that of the individual. While Daniel’s American sensibilities stressed his right to do as he pleased, the locals saw his behavior as selfish. Consequently, they turned their backs on him. Locals who may not have been offended felt obligated to follow the lead of the majority. As such, when transacting in China, it’s critical for Westerners to show consideration and not to overtly pursue personal interests. The forward or brusque attitude that may earn one respect in the West makes one appear overbearing and vulgar in China.
To avoid open confrontation and allow Daniel to save face, the local students expressed their frustration to the floor leader, who was in turn expected to resolve the problem subtly as an intermediary.
“In America, people think that not being direct, or even confrontational, in a disagreement shows weakness,” said Lena Ng, a Hong Konger who has worked in the United States. “But in China, the idea is that avoiding confrontation provides a more harmonious environment and avoids uncomfortable situations. In Chinese culture, we like to keep disagreements in private so as not to embarrass anybody.”
But as the case of Daniel demonstrates, it can easily cause resentment for the uninitiated. “The problem with a foreigner is that she may not think anything is wrong because nobody tells her,” Ng said.
While the disagreements became an open secret, they were resolved quietly, heads held high. During interactions with Chinese, keeping one’s cool is beneficial to business. Expressing anger or making a scene is likely to lead to further isolation.
“If you want Chinese people to be more frank, don’t get angry. Talk calmly and in private and you are more likely to get the answers you want,” Ng said.
Posted on Thu, Jan 26, 2012
by Jeremy Willinger
It never fails—a phone will go off at any event where you expect quiet and have spent a great deal of money to attend. A recently egregious example: the gentleman who’s iPhone alarm rang incessantly during a performance of Mahler’s Ninth Symphony at the Lincoln Center, New York. The audience reacted by calling for blood. The man, anonymously, reported that he couldn’t sleep for three days.
Is it because 83% of people own a cell phone that we have to expect at least one interruption? It seems like every quiet space is merely a void that is awaiting a ringtone to pierce its solitude. Yet, this is not a condition to which we must become inured. Solutions are available, and common sense and cell phone etiquette guidelines reinforce that phones should not disrupt others.
I think we need to separate the truly clueless from the obstinate / pugnacious. Clueless people are the ones who hear the constant reminders to shut off their phone and just don’t realize that the device is still on, or for some reason forget to turn it off. Unfortunately, I believe we have reached a saturation point regarding public prompts; they play at every movie and before every public event. However, the way we remind people should change. Cell phone etiquette demands that we approach public cell phone use with care and caution, but the messaging should be altered to be without humor or long-windedness. A concise announcement such as, “Ringing cell phones disturb everyone around you. Shut them off and disable all audio, ringtones, or alarms now.” would be a more direct solution.
The other group is more problematic—people who want to be the center of attention (no matter if the attention is negative) or who believe that every call or text message demands an immediate response, regardless of location. If you encounter someone particularly stubborn, it is best to let ushers or venue managers know so they can advise or reprimand the offender.
Between these audiences is the area of overlapping etiquette. People should know by now that ringers are disruptive, and that checking a phone in a dark space thereby illuminates everything around you and distracts your neighbors. Therefore, the primary rules of cell phone etiquette are that when you are inside anywhere, keep your phone on silent and do not take the phone out unless it is an emergency. Vibrate features are strong enough, and audible if you are listening for the buzz, to make ringtones and other noises are redundant. Keeping a phone on vibrate also automatically safeguards against potential intrusion and obviates any embarrassment. By extension, when you are on the phone, a loud voice can be even more distracting than screen glare.
However, humans are not the only culpable players. One by-product of our smart phones is that they can be very confusing to operate. In fact, the gentleman at the symphony had just received an iPhone from his job, and though the phone was off, a pre-set alarm still rang—a trip line waiting to happen.
More so, every app comes with music, sound effects, and other chimes to inform the user that action is happening, and accidentally triggering these features is not all too difficult. Further, despite phone ringer settings on the side of most devices, they can be easily nudged back to sound mode by merely shifting in a seat. Therefore, the onus is on us to understand how to use our phones and turn them off completely to avoid the many conceivable mistakes that could cause public disturbances.
While cell phones do facilitate communication and are particularly handy in an emergency, their ubiquity now demands a new set of considerations—specifically those focused on everyone else around you. Keeping mind of the potential to ruin an experience by having a phone go off will go a long way towards allowing an audience to enjoy things without interruption. The resulting silence will be music to everyone’s ears.
If you would like to read previous blogs about cell phone etiquette by Jeremy Willinger, click on this link: Unbreakable rules of the cell phone etiquette
Posted on Mon, Jan 23, 2012
by Meghan Keneally
In addition to the obvious “eat healthier” and “work harder” New Year’s resolutions, many people find it helpful to use the fresh start of the year as an opportunity to become a more patient and understanding person. Some of the biggest obstacles to this goal: Naysayers. Bullies. Complainers. Difficult people can wreak havoc on our personal and professional lives, but by applying some key interpersonal skills, we will be able to be more successful both in and out of the office.
If your cubicle-mate is constantly complaining about the squeaky heating system or the tone of the boss during your morning meetings, the criticisms can feel grating and put a damper on your spirits. Instead of allowing the negativity to bring down your performance, use your positive thinking—combined with your knowledge of workplace etiquette and business courtesy—to make both of your lives more pleasant. The next time that your coworker finds a problem, say something like, “What do you suggest we do to fix it?” This will have your coworker thinking of solutions instead of more complaints. By being calm and collected, you can use your workplace etiquette and make a real difference—especially if the problem gets fixed!
No matter how relaxed your workplace may seem, there is always some undercurrent of competition among peers. You are vying for the attention of the same boss, working for the same accounts, and trying to distinguish yourself to your superiors. Rather than being humble about success, some choose to brazenly boast about their victories. The next time your coworkers crow about their recent achievements, simply compliment them. Understand that they are acting arrogant because they are insecure and looking for validation.
Though there is a certain amount of camaraderie that can be built by being social with coworkers, gossiping is not the way to do so. Think of ways that you all can connect without bringing others down. When the conversation shifts to the latest office social scandal, it is completely acceptable to say “I don’t feel right talking about people behind their backs.” While you may get some gentle ribbing immediately afterwards, even the lead gossips will appreciate your move because, deep down, it is a test: they now know that by not gossiping about other people behind their backs, you will surely not gossip about them either.
One of the most challenging personalities to navigate is a bad boss. If your boss is a bully and badgers you, you must rely on your personal strength and confidence. Acknowledge the work that you have put into a project, and defend your actions when appropriate. If that does not work, ask the question: “How would you suggest I improve?” Not only does this put the boss in the position of problem-solver as opposed to problem-creator, it also helps him/her see you taking on the challenge with dignity and appropriate business etiquette.
The workplace can be a jungle sometimes, with clashing personalities and hidden agendas. By keeping your cool, working hard, and treating everyone—whether it be the CEO or the receptionist—with the highest regard and proper business etiquette, you will be able to be on good terms with all while devoting the majority of your time to your work instead of distracting dramatics.
Posted on Thu, Jan 12, 2012
Photo credit: Richard Young, Rex Features
by Alicia Ventresca, MA in Developmental Psychology, Columbia University
In Greek, charisma refers to a divine gift. However, recent research has revealed that charisma, much like social etiquette, can be learnt. Follow our Top 10 Tips for Becoming a More Charismatic Person to enhance your social skills, likability, and charm.
1. Relax and have fun. It goes without saying that people who enjoy living in the moment are pleasant people to be around. Because they have an easy-going attitude, naturally you feel comfortable in their presence and let yourself go. Likewise, negative qualities such as rudeness, ill temperament, obstinacy, or criticalness are just as contagious. For example, someone who is constantly complaining at dinner might make you feel equally displeased. The takeaway message is, charismatic people are flexible and adaptable, accepting new experiences as they come. Allow yourself to relax and have fun by being open to change and deviate from the norm…so what if your plans change? Enjoy your surroundings and your company regardless.
2. Look and act confident. Charismatic people tend to be optimists, possessing an unshakeable belief in their ability to rise above any circumstance. This exudes a sense of calm, composure, and self-assurance. In order to demonstrate confident body language, you must feel confident. Prepare yourself mentally by reflecting on your character strengths and practicing gratitude for the many blessings in your life.
3. Read often. Without question, reading enhances the mind and the persona. Hence, it comes as no surprise that charismatic people tend to be well-read, with eclectic knowledge for carrying interesting conversations.
4. Think before you speak. Charisma is not necessarily about being the center of attention; in fact, sometimes less is more. Whether joking around with friends or meeting with high-profile clients, talking should serve a purpose. Verbal communication can take on many styles (for example, authoritative/assertive, motivational, humorous, flirtatious), but in any case diction or “the choice and use of words and phrases” is essential. Hence, it is not only what you say but how you say it (including vocal tonality and body language) that affects others’ reactions.
5. Treat people as you want to be treated. This golden rule is characteristic of people who are well-received by others and regarded kindly. Because they make others feel appreciated, important, and respected, charismatic people are the first to receive social graces (for example, the cooperation of fellow employees, a generous gift or welcoming invitation). In fact, three decades of research have converged on the finding that workplace friendliness generally improves job satisfaction, productivity, and morale, while decreasing stress and turnover.
6. Maintain a positive, approachable attitude. People who have a proactive outlook; who are optimistic and able to bring strong advice and hopeful solutions to the table, are the people we as human beings need in our lives. According to recent study conducted by University of Michigan graduate psychology student Eric Kim, a sunny perspective may lead people to engage in healthier behaviors, such as having an active social life and taking medicine as directed from a physician. From e-mail correspondence to phone calls, always end on an even, upbeat note.
7. Show genuine concern and empathy. Charismatic people show an active, sincere interest in the lives of others by listening deeply, remembering important details like birthdays and interests, and asking about casual, not controversial topics (for example, hobbies and recent milestones as opposed to business or romantic relationships). When meeting someone for the first time, TRY to remember the person’s name. Do this by repeating the person’s name right away (for example, “Hi [John], nice to meet you!”). Then, repeat the person’s name throughout your conversation until it sticks, adding polite warmth to the conversation at hand.
8. Do not be afraid to give compliments. When they are appropriate, deserving, and authentic, compliments show that you are secure in yourself, observant of others, and friendly. (I’ve never met a woman who didn’t appreciate a man for noticing her new haircut).
9. Allow yourself to try new things, and be impressed. No matter whom you are learning from—a child, a friend, a partner, a grandparent—put yourself on the same level as your teacher and appreciate the lesson. Be open-minded, experiment, and seize the discovery process.
10. Get your energy up! Enthusiasm and passion are two powerful traits of chatismatic people.
Wherever you get your energy from (coffee, exercise, morning prayer, or practicing gratitude), make sure that it is proportionately channeled into all aspects of your personal and professional
life. Socializing, above all, requires an element of animation and zing.
Posted on Tue, Dec 27, 2011
Photo credit: BB Collection
by Meghan Keneally
My parents were strict when it came to manners, and the day after a birthday or Christmas was always filled with the dreaded thank-you notes. At the time, I saw it as a pain and old-fashioned tradition. Why, I thought, would I have to write a letter when I could just tell them thanks when I see them next? Or, as the years progressed, just text or e-mail a quick ‘Thank you’?
Regardless of my persistent arguments as a child, I kept up with my thank-you notes and still write them to this day. A recent study, however, puts me in the minority.
A poll done by Today’s Moms and Parenting.com said that only 30 percent of parents make their children write thank-you notes for holiday gifts. And the lack of courtesy doesn’t stop there as fewer and fewer grown adults write thank-you notes after receiving a present or being taken out to dinner.
Not only is diligent gratitude a sign of respect, consideration for others and good manners, but it is also scientifically proven to help improve our brain function. In two different studies by Dr. Daniel Amen and Dr. Noelle Nelson proved that positive thoughts, appreciation for others, and a recognition of gratitude will make our brains work better. Read more about in our previous post: http://www.etiquetteoutreach.com/blog_new-york-etiquette-guide/bid/60057/Etiquette-Daily-Gratitude-Improves-Our-Brain-Function
By taking the time to thank people in a personalized way for their thoughtful acts can help us be more appreciative and fulfilled businesspeople. One way to do so, as Dr. Amen suggests, is to write a list of five things we are grateful for everyday. Another- which is particularly apt in the holiday season- is to write timely and thoughtful thank-you notes.
These notes, while certainly harkening back to an antiquated tradition, do leave a very positive impression on the recipient. It shows that you value your business associates and appreciate the time and effort that they went through on your behalf.
In an ideal world, everyone should send thoughtful, handwritten notes on personalized stationary. That, however, is sometimes unrealistic. An alternative, yet less formal and appropriate option, is to write a tailored e-mail expressing your gratitude. While an e-mail is more fitting in this fast-paced, electronic-based world, it is always the secondary choice.
By taking the time to say thank you and show gratitude, you leave a lasting impression as a grateful, well-mannered, and thoughtful individual. In addition to being inherently helpful when dealing with business clients, those are also traits that anyone would be happy to have in a friend, so you should practice gratitude in both your personal and business lives!
Posted on Sat, Dec 24, 2011
Alicia R. Ventresca, MA in Developmental Psychology, Columbia University
With the holidays upon us, children bring a lighthearted spirit to the season. In fact they often know just what to say to make the holidays unforgettably memorable: check out Jimmy Kimmel’s Christmas YouTube Challenge, I Gave My Kid a Terrible Present. In situations such as this, children tend to display negative emotional behavior because they do not know how to react appropriately. At the sight of a disappointing gift, for example, many children lack the mature social skills needed to control their feelings. However, by practicing proper gift exchange etiquette at home, children will be prepared to handle gift giving and receiving in a respectful, appreciative manner.
Spread the gift of gratitude to your child with these easy-to-follow gift exchange guidelines.
1. Before opening presents, run through Gift Exchange 101. Remember that good manners, much like mature social skills, must be learned. In preparing your child for the holidays it can be very helpful to practice proper gift exchange etiquette. So, find your child’s favorite stuffed animal (for example, Sponge Bob) and practice exchanging presents for FUN:
- First, check to see whether Sponge Bob is busy. If so, wait patiently until he is finished.
- Before handing Sponge Bob the gift, thoughtfully make eye contact and smile. Because your child loves Sponge Bob, the act of gift giving will be enjoyable and fulfilling.
- Hand Sponge Bob the gift carefully. In a clear voice say, “This is for you, Sponge Bob. I hope you like it.” For homemade gifts it is always nice to add an anecdote about where and how your child created the piece, allowing your child to take pride in a job well done.
- Watch as Sponge Bob opens the gift and, when thanked, say, “You’re welcome. I’m so happy you like it!” This exercise quickly instills a sense of empathy in children; knowing what it feels like to be the gift giver is essential to becoming a gracious receiver.
2. Make your expectations clear. For example, “I know this is an exciting, action-packed time, but I expect you to behave considerately and politely. Words like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are especially important because they are very meaningful so, I want to hear those words a lot.” Be sure to reiterate your expectations just before opening presents, a helpful reminder to your child.
3. Reverse roles, allowing your child to be the gift receiver. Together, take 10-15 minutes to reflect on your life blessings. This will promote deep, positive thinking and strong social energy.
When Sponge Bob presents you with a gift, smile warmly and focus your attention on this special moment you are sharing. In a positive tone of voice say, “Thank you, this is so nice of you!”• Keep in mind Sponge Bob worked very hard to buy you the perfect gift. He tried his best to find a gift that you like and chose this gift specially for you.• Regardless of whether you like the gift, thank Sponge Bob for his thoughtfulness. Try to find an aspect of the gift that you can comment on, for example, “This tee-shirt is the coolest color green! Thank you so much.”
• If you cannot thank Sponge Bob in person, call and/or write and Thank-You note ASAP. Please share and RT this article if you found it helpful and informative!
Posted on Mon, Dec 12, 2011
by Meghan Keneally
When going through your holiday shopping list, sometimes we get caught up finding the perfect gift for our loved ones or Secret Santa recipients. Oftentimes, the people we depend on most frequently, like doormen or children’s tutors or babysitters, are thought of at the last minute, resulting in a typical holiday tchotchke gift or even something overly expensive to make up for our oversight.
Especially in these hard economic times, that is not a mistake that you want to make. As the gift-giving season gets well underway, remember those who make your day-to-day lives livable and incorporate your holiday tipping into your holiday budget,
In New York like many major urban areas, it essentially takes a mini-village to run your life: the person you buy your daily paper from, your doorman, your regular manicurist and hairdresser, your kid’s teacher or nanny- all of these people provide services that make your life easier. The holidays are an easy time to show your appreciation with a little something extra, and just another way to show your etiquette expertise.
If you weren’t hit too hard in the recession, count your blessings, and be happy that you are able to give generous tips to all of those people who help you. Tipping etiquette says that for personal beauty service providers (nail salons, waxers, hair cuts, etc.) double the 20 percent tip that you usually leave. Because every building is different, see what is doled out through service fees in your rent before tipping doormen and concierges. Standard tipping guidelines for nannies and babysitters dictates that an extra week’s wages is expected, while school teachers are more often given gifts like store cards, spa certificates, chocolates as opposed to cold hard cash.
What makes this tougher this year is that those extra tips add up to quite a lot. If you are trying to do more with less this season, think of thoughtful ways to surprise the people in your life while showing them their importance.
A thoughtful note should always be a part of any gift, so that is a given, but this year try making a thoughtful gesture instead. If you are tech savvy, rent a video camera and use iMovie to make a short but sweet personalized video that the recipient will get a kick out of. Another alternative is to make a calendar using iPhoto and let the person start next year right with fun photos of them with friends.
If the computer is not your forte, take to the kitchen. Everyone enjoys eating and drinking with loved ones during the holidays, and so your gift can help them with that by giving a bottle of wine or some festive treats. Homemade holiday cookies are always a success, and they are also something that they can take home and share with their families at the end of their shift. (Nothing says you care like well-baked delights!) For the tipplers on your list, stop at a Trader Joe’s wine shop for great deals or look online for distributers who discount 12-bottle box shipments around this time of year.
For most people in your life, there is bound to be a personal way to show that you care, but unfortunately, the only way you can do that in restaurants is to cough up some extra tips. Proper dining etiquette suggests that tips should always be between 15-20 percent depending on the level of service, but at the holidays, lean towards the higher end of the scale. Anyone that has worked in a restaurant will tell you that the difference between a good and bad tip is a good and bad shift, so it will definitely mean a lot to your servers if you are sure to reach a little deeper this December.
In the end, the holidays are just a time to show that you care about the people in your life and that you appreciate their services. By putting some extra thought into the notes that you write and the gifts you buy, the recipient will feel proud of their work and eager to keep up the good pace next year. Now isn’t that reason enough to get into the holiday spirit?!
Posted on Fri, Dec 09, 2011
by Meghan Kenneally
The annual office holiday party is something that has grown greater than itself: it’s not just drinks with co-workers, but the event has earned a reputation of a mysterious night when who-knows-what will happen! And that is not always a good thing.
Legends of drunken karaoke sing-a-longs and inappropriate flirtations have turned the office holiday party into a worrying event for many business professionals who pride themselves and their business etiquette knowledge, but fear looking like a square (even when they are outside of their cubicle).
By following keeping mind of your drinking etiquette and general business social skills, you will be able to strike the perfect balance between amiable co-worker and skilled professional.
One of the biggest obstacles for many is the fact that the temptation of a cheap (or often open) bar. It is important to keep your personal brand and corporate image in mind in this situation: is your reputation worth that third drink? The real point of an office party is for people get to know one another outside of the confines of deadlines and formal emails. It is not to get sloshed in front of the people you try to impress on a daily basis.
While each person handles alcohol differently and each office is unique, a general rule of thumb is that you should maintain your high standard of business etiquette at the office party just the way you would on any daytime corporate function. Just because there may be tinsel hung about or someone dressed up as Santa does not mean that all etiquette guidelines go out the window.
Feel free to have a drink or two, but remember that it is probably wise to make those drinks last. This will provide you the best opportunity to get into longer conversations with your co-workers: what do they have planned for the New Year? What was their favorite part of the year past? Take a moment to really bond, for that is the real purpose of the office party anyway.
It is also important, especially in the business world, to appreciate multicultural differences. Various cultures and religions interpret the holidays in their own way, so be aware of your peers’ traditions. Or, if you are unsure, use this as an opportunity to learn more about the people you work with and their backgrounds, all the while being extremely careful to be respectful of different traditions and customs. It is very important to be genuine with your curiosity and not condescending or all-knowing.
While the holidays are a blast, it is vital to remember that they do not last. They come just as quickly as they go, but unfortunately for some who imbibe too much at their office parties, the memories of drunken actions do not disappear as quickly. As a result, be mindful of your antics and keep the mood completely professional.
Posted on Tue, Nov 22, 2011
by Mary Mitchell, Etiquette Expert, Author, and Speaker
Beginning this blog on Thanksgiving makes sense for me, since Thanksgiving is my favorite day. I celebrate the opportunity to write about how essential gratitude is to me and, I believe, to anyone’s personal or professional success.
As a child, when my dad would come home tired at the end of his day, I used to rush up to him and tell him how sorry I was that he’d had a tough one. Without fail, his response was, “Nothing to be sorry about. I get to do what I love. I am healthy. I have a healthy family. What could be better?” Now that I am well into my own career, it’s clear that gratitude was his most significant, and most precious, lesson for me.
Not that it’s always easy, given the times we live in. And yet, life is always teaching us something, even when the lessons are hidden deep in terrible events. The past year has been a dark time for me: people I love very much have taken ill; some have died. This Thanksgiving finds our nation heart-sore, embattled, and fearful. For thousands of families, the holiday will be punctuated with sadness.
Losses have taught me that each of us has the ability – and moreover, the obligation – to serve and heal one another in any way we can. It has been a lesson, indeed, an excruciating one:
- In the fragility of life, family, friendship, and freedom.
- In appreciation for the thousand beauties of a "normal" day.
- In the magic of peace.
- In the power of bravery, sacrifice, and spiritual resiliency.
- To remind us that blessings are not entitlements.
I learned that wonderful things don’t always jump out at us. They can be sneaky, buried in unlikely – and sometimes unwanted – places. Yet they are well worth the search. Fulfilled people know this, and I am grateful to have had several of them as examples: my father, my husband, and my mentor.
Wherever this Thanksgiving finds you, here's an assignment: Make a list of 50 things you're thankful for. They can be small or large, silly or serious. The order doesn't matter.
For example, I'm grateful for the good health that allows me to get lots of exercise. I'm grateful my bed is so comfortable. I'm grateful for my happy marriage. I'm grateful somebody else is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I’m grateful my shoes don’t hurt. I'm grateful I get to work at something I love. I’m grateful to be able to snuggle with ZsaZsa, my French bulldog.
The task may seem huge, but it goes faster than you can imagine. The thoughts will make you smile and fill you with the right holiday spirit. More importantly, the gratitude list always will be there to review on days when gratitude seems challenging at best.
My wise coach, John Felitto, wrote: When you focus on what you have vs. what’s missing, you shift from scarcity to abundance. By simply having gratitude for what you already have, you open yourself up and attract more and more.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
To read more about Mary Mitchell's work and books, please visit:
http://themitchellorganization.com/