New York Etiquette Guide

Workplace Etiquette: 8 Helpful Ways of Dealing with Negative People

 

by Celestine Chua

Guest Blogger

http://celestinechua.com/blog/about/

Naturally, critical people aren’t the first people you’d think of hanging out with. While you can try to get out of their way, you are bound to run into one or two of them in school or at work. Here are my 8 handy ways to handle them:

1. Don’t Take It Personally

They react in this manner because of certain beliefs and frameworks they have about life. You may think the critical person is all out to get you, but it’s more likely he/she reacts in this same manner toward everyone else too.

Here’s one simple way to check.  Think about the common friends you have with the critical person. If possible, identify people of the same standing as you, so it’s comparable. After this, try to be present the next time they are with each other and observe how the critical person interacts with him/her. How does the critical person behave? Does he/she offer the same pattern of comments? Does he/she focus on the negative things? Does he/she come across as critical? Chances are high that it’s going to be a "yes."

I used to take my critical friend’s comments to heart. I’d wonder why she was always so discouraging, and would feel defensive when she voiced her unwelcomed criticism. However, when I observed her treatment of our common friends, I realized she did this with others too. Same comments, same criticisms, same hang-ups, even though I never saw anything wrong with our common friends. Not only that, there was a trend in what she said and harped on. It was then I realized it wasn’t about me-- it was her inner frameworks. It was a liberating realization. From there on, I no longer took anything she said personally and was able to objectify the situation.

2. Understand Their Real Message

Sometimes, I feel critical people are just misunderstood. They may just trying to offer an opinion but it becomes misinterpreted due to their lack of tact. At times this swirls into a big misunderstanding. They become labeled as *ssholes even though they really aren’t trying to be.

Unfortunately, people become hung up over “how” communication is done (the words used, the tone of communication), rather than “what” is being communicated (the message). The former ensures the message is conveyed correctly, but ultimately it is the message that matters. Critical people may be curt, but we are the ones who choose to attach the negativity to their words. Critical people may lack tact, but that’s because they lack awareness of how their rude behavior impacts others. You may be surprised, but sometimes they are really just clueless on how they are coming across (rude without manners?) until they see themselves in action. If you are taking their comments negatively when they don’t intend to be negative at all, that’s probably the worst way to expend your energy.

Filter through their words (more importantly, your interpretations of their words) and get down to the real message. What are they trying to communicate? Why are they saying these words? What are their intentions?  Behind their words may lie great insights. If you can get past the “how” and get down to the “what“, you'll gain access to valuable feedback for improvement. Two things occur here: firstly, you are a step ahead in your journey of conscious living because you are no longer behaving in a reactive manner. Secondly, you are literally more knowledgeable about their intent and feedback. This can be constructively used in your journey of self-improvement. Neither of these can happen if you are focused on their criticism.

At the previous company, where I worked as an American MNC, business communications were often direct and to the point. There were times when people would be overly curt and blunt, especially under pressure and tight timelines. One of the general managers was well known for his fiery temper, lashing out with verbal attacks and swearing at people when things were not going well. While some might gasp at this office behavior, there is really no reason to take offense, because that’s just how he chooses to communicate. Of course it’d be ideal if everyone communicates in a tactful manner, but ultimately you can’t change how others act. You can however, change how you perceive it.  What really matters is the message the person is trying to convey, more than what exactly is being said.

Needless to say, the ones who chose to take comments in negative light put themselves through unnecessary unhappiness. Others who sieved through the words and got to the essence of the message were able to improve based on that feedback. My past experience has made me more perceptive because rather than focusing on exact words that were said, I was listening to what person was communicating. The ability to actively “listen” beyond words is critical for all of us in connecting and building strong relationships.

To read more about 8 Helpful Ways of Dealing with Negative People, please go to:

http://celestinechua.com/blog/page/7/

How to Get Your Point Across Without Offending Others

 

by Jeremy Willinger

As much as you may get along with and share the same opinions as your coworkers, there will inevitably be times when you do not. Yet, what makes the difference in not only how you are perceived in the office but your future working relationships as well is how you choose to deal with these conflicts. The main takeaway is to learn how not to offend others. When a coworker feels slighted, it takes time and energy to smooth things over—and there is no guarantee of a full recovery. 

Acknowledging the other point of view is of primary importance because it shows that while you may have a different opinion, you are not discounting theirs. Responses such as, “I appreciate your contribution,” or “That’s a good idea; however, we may have to go in another direction,” do not diminish another person’s ideas, but still communicate the point that an alternative tract will probably be selected. 

Many times, the things that can get us in trouble at work are the subtle comments or off-hand remarks that we can’t anticipate will have a negative effect on others. Certain potentially offending topics like religion, politics, and relationships should be avoided at all costs. It is also wise to pause before forwarding any cartoons or jokes, as you never know what may be an emotional trigger for a coworker.  

If you do happen to read a message that gets you riled up, or if you take part in a contentious exchange, always consider the aftermath. Never send any message or make a phone call in the heat of an angry moment—it is better to take a minute to cool off and reconsider your communication. When stating your point via email, it helps to read the message aloud before sending, to ensure the tone is appropriate.

Often, a sincere apology is (with luck) all that is needed. By acknowledging that you made a mistake, or merely offering to clear the air, you extend an olive branch that demonstrates your maturity and ability to rise above conflict for the sake of a stable working environment.  

Much like paying taxes, disagreements in the workplace are inevitable. What happens after a flare-up is your chance to prove to yourself and your coworkers how accommodating and professional you truly are. By keeping this in mind, you raise not only your standard of professional etiquette, but that of all those around you as well. 

If you disagree with anything written above, please offer your inoffensive comments below.