Posted on Thu, Jul 08, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
Having already covered, this post will offer ideas on what to do midway through, and at the end of, a new interaction.
In any exchange, there exists the potential for a disagreement. Conversational pitfalls go beyond talking about religion or making a disparaging remark about someone else’s looks, and oftentimes it is the more subtle slights or unbeknownst-to-you offenses that people most remember.
When speaking with another person, whether a recent introduction or an old friend, the rules of etiquette remain. While avoiding conversational challenges—like bragging, monopolizing time, or being aggressive in body language or a line of questioning—is key to successful interactions, focusing your attention on the other person and offering measured, thoughtful responses is the most important aspect of any discussion.
These responses advance a conversation to the next level of familiarity and cement positive impressions—especially relevant to networking events. Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, such as knowing you are too talkative will help you avoid any potentially harmful or awkward situations. If you are not knowledgeable about certain topics but those topics are introduced, it is a good opportunity to demonstrate your listening and social skills. Asking questions will make the other person feel important, and you can always say, “I don’t know much about that topic. However, if it is as interesting as you describe, I would be open to learning more.”
By avoiding general questions, you help drill down to specific tips and information that will be useful in following up or finding new recommendations. Instead of asking, “Do you like to eat out?” you can refine that to, “I am always looking for a new place to get sushi. Have you been to a good sushi bar recently that you can recommend?”
Being conscious of how you are asking questions is also of primary importance. Asking questions—if you are being genuine—is good, but asking without caring about the response is not only poor etiquette but might very well be broadcast in your body language and tone of voice.
Inevitably, in the normal course of conversation, you will come across a topic or opinion that you disagree with. The key to expressing your point of view is not to minimize the other person’s outlook. Acknowledging their opinion as valid—provided it isn’t offensive—should be the first line in your response. “That is an interesting take, but my experience is a bit different,” or “I respectfully disagree, though I do understand where you are coming from” are two ways to deflect their remarks while remaining polite.
At the end of a conversation, it is always important to wrap things up on a friendly note and articulate the next step. At a networking event, saying, “I enjoyed speaking with you and look forward to following up,” is a good example. However, you should never feel guilty about making a quick exit from a pushy individual or negative complainer. A simple “Thank you for your time,” will suffice here.
Along with the simple joy of human connection, conversations offer, at their core, opportunities to court personal success and gain new knowledge. Approaching them with this mindset will help to ensure that each dialogue is maximized to thoroughly benefit each party. To read more about conversation, go to the blog "How to Initiate a Conversation?" Part 1
Posted on Mon, Jun 21, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
It all begins with an introduction but in that moment, everything is at stake. From a networking seminar to a first date, the first five seconds of any meeting define your partner’s opinion of you as well as the balance of power in the interaction. Despite this pressure, handshakes—and, with luck, business cards—are exchanged and a new relationship begins.
As you start a conversation, the initial greeting should be brief, friendly, and incorporate open body language. Crossed arms and a disinterested expression on your face are easy ways to ensure a limited exchange. While speaking clearly and at an appropriate volume will showcase your assertiveness, extensive hand gestures or any unusual mannerisms will detract from your delivery and the other’s impression of your intelligence. Your handshake should be firm but without too much pressure—especially if you are greeting a female or an older person.
In the first several minutes of conversation, topics should reference the reason both of you are in the same place at the same time, as well as more general subjects. Only after you have established a level of comfort (which will probably not be during this initial interaction) should personal subject matter—such as marital status or religion—even be contemplated.
No matter the subject of conversation, it is imperative that each party be a good listener. Focusing on the other person demonstrates respect and enables you to anticipate follow-up questions that advance the conversation. If there is a group discussion, say, at a networking event, wait for an appropriate time to ingratiate yourself—ideally at a low point in the conversation, or when someone excuses him - or herself, leaving an opening for an introduction. As the entire dynamic of the group can be altered if someone intrudes, good timing is good etiquette.
While it is important to know how to initiate a conversation, it is also essential to know when—and how—to end one. Especially at an event where you are meeting for the first time, it is considered boorish to monopolize someone’s time. Once the connection has been made, make plans to follow up, and excuse yourself politely. Key to maintaining the connection is promptly following through after the event to launch this new relationship.
Since conversations are at the heart of all business deals, personal relationships, and career advancement, an introduction should always be weighed carefully. By choosing your words thoughtfully, and remaining focused on the other person, you greatly increase the likelihood of a simple introduction blossoming into a meaningful connection.