Posted on Fri, Jun 18, 2010
by Lyudmila Bloch, Etiquette Expert
Recently, a seminar participant asked me for guidance on social etiquette relating to the elderly, and for my impression of how we treat the ageing and helpless in our society. The following is my answer and my personal opinion on the subject.
Taking care of the elderly, helping them with their basic needs, protecting and providing for them, is a sure sign of a civilized society. But all too often, the self-absorbed and oblivious among us still push ahead in subways, on buses, and in the streets of New York, ignoring less vigorous people who might be struggling up the stairs or timidly approaching a revolving door.
Going back in history, we find that a number of ancient civilizations – Egypt, Rome, the Arab-Islamic Empire, Kievan Rus, China – have cherished the advice of the elderly and sought their guidance in both war and peacetime. For example, an adult male in the Roman Empire was not allowed to buy his own property while his father was still alive. The head of the household had tremendous power and unconditional rule until the day he died. With nary a doubt or complaint, all adult children followed and obeyed their fathers’ orders, long after reaching their own maturity. Even today, some of these ancient traditions are carried forward, as when modern families continue honoring and respecting their cultures by sharing their homes with parents (China, Russia, Argentina, etc.).
The “Skilled Nursing Facility,” introduced in this country within the past century, is a purely American phenomenon. Multiple cultures around the world consider it disrespectful to place their family members in a nursing home. In many countries, rich or poor, young families are brought up with the understanding that someday they too will be responsible for their parents’ welfare. From that standpoint, those cultures have instilled in their young generation an acute sense of responsibility and a deep respect for age and wisdom.
Boyé Lafayette De Mente, a respected sinologist and author of The Chinese Have a Word for It, wrote, “The Chinese word…laoshi (lah-oh-shur) …which literally means elder role model, is still used today from kindergarten through university.” For more than 4,000 years, the Chinese were taught to respect their elders, holding their wisdom in the highest esteem and admiration. It’s therefore unsurprising that character education and moral behavior are of prime importance in today’s modern China. And despite their fastest-growing economy, the Chinese are not building more nursing homes – they are simply taking care of their own.
Unfortunately, our solipsistic society promotes a culture that is based on “the logic of convenience” rather than personal responsibility. Our parents, on the other hand, did not question whether they could or should keep us, or whether it was too expensive or inconvenient to have children at that time – they simply did it. And so can we! We can put aside the convenience factor and focus our attention on gratitude and love for our own laoshi when they most need it.
So on Father’s Day, ask yourself this question: Should I send my dad to a nursing home when he is unable to care for himself, or should I do my best when he needs me the most?
Posted on Fri, Jun 11, 2010
by Lyudmila Bloch, Etiquette Expert New York
It is a daunting task to manage, supervise, and train domestic staff, and that’s where etiquette expert is useful. On a regular basis I offer my consulting services to my New York clients so that they can enjoy their special occasion. And let’s face it, if you could hire someone to take care of this business, your life would be so much easier!
Elegant living calls for great taste and knowledge of dining etiquette, tableware, wine expertise, and food service. For the novice host without this constellation of experience, it could be a living hell…
Often, the young and even the wealthy do not know how a proper table should be set – important consideration of experience such as where to place bread-and-butter plate, how to serve wine, and what size napkin is right for a dining occasion.
As a host, you have enough to worry about — your guest list, menu, table setting, flatware, stemware, and greeting your guests at the door.
Now, more than ever, rich and famous hire etiquette consultants to help them with domestic-staff training, home entertaining, and social etiquette. The devil is indeed in the details, and the choice of proper dining utensils, appropriate glassware, and flawless food service during your party – that’s what really counts!
So, if you are looking to stage some memorable soirées or formal dinner parties at your home, consult an etiquette expert, who will guide you and glide you through your home-entertaining adventure!
And don’t forget: it’s not about hors d’oeuvres– it’s about “savoir-vivre!”
Posted on Fri, May 28, 2010
Photo credit: AP/ Seth Wenig
by Lyudmila Bloch, Etiquette Expert NYC
Picture your child receiving guidance on how to behave and how to deal with bullies at school from the scandal- plagued Sarah Ferguson, who was caught on tape with her black duffle bag stuffed with $40,000 in cash, according to the News of the World report from the UK. On May 26, at 8:00 a.m., Sarah Ferguson appeared as a guest hostess at BookExpo America, at the Javits Center in New York City for the traditional Children’s Authors Breakfast, where she cracked jokes in an auditorium full of literary agents, publishers, booksellers, educators, authors, and editors.
Shamed and disgraced, the Duchess of York introduced herself as a “proud mom” and author who now offers (ready for this?) parenting advice in her new book series called “Helping Hand.”
“Every child can use a helping hand,” said Ferguson from the central stage, implying that she could be that source of help to any child in America with her “timely books.”
Ashley Learns About Strangers is one of her current titles.…Given the latest developments in Sarah Ferguson’s life, she might want to consider another inspiring title for her next book -- Ashley Takes a Bribe. As Ms. Ferguson was offering her tips about real-life situations to her educated audience on Wednesday morning, a stunned attendee on my left whispered, “Wasn’t she on TV yesterday with a bag of cash?” Well, sure, it was Fergie, all right. Chalk it up to yet another a minor etiquette slip on the part of the Duchess of York.
Images of Ms. Ferguson, leading a “public school etiquette workshop” about honesty and integrity, or a “character education” class that teaches strategies for handling difficult moments, (as when you’re caught with your hand in a cookie jar) flashed through my mind.
“As you all know,” she continued, “I really don’t like grown-ups…”
Well, Sarah, we might feel a little leery too if we were surrounded by grown-ups who broker a “proper introduction” to their ex-husbands for a modest fee of $ 700,000, get caught on tape (according to the News of the World report), and then proceed to offer parenting advice and real-life strategies to our children and families.
Sadly, the Children’s Book Council and American Booksellers Association, in conjunction with the BookExpo committee, didn’t seem at all troubled by Ms. Ferguson’s recent indiscretions and negative publicity. We wonder, why? Is there a shortage of real role models in America?