Posted on Tue, Jun 29, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
In today’s economy, especially after witnessing the implosion of the banking industry, many feel that once-trustworthy bankers do not have the interests of the average investor at heart. Between Bernie Madoff, Lehman Brothers, Wachovia, and Goldman Sachs, there has been no shortage of newsworthy developments to inflame cynicism and create a prevailing attitude that banks not only exploited consumers’ trust, but were richly rewarded for that behavior.
How is Main Street supposed to have confidence in Wall Street after witnessing not only rapidly dwindling returns but a taxpayer-funded bailout to keep them afloat? The onus is on both lender and customer to rebuild this fractured relationship. Simply avoiding financial institutions is not an option—businesses need these companies to set up shop, expand, and hire new employees once successful. While companies that make home safes are reporting a 25 percent increase in sales, one of the bright spots in a troubled economy, the solution for individuals will never be stashing retirement funds at home—in either safes or mattresses.
Banks must now redouble their efforts to restore integrity and positive public perception. Moving beyond improved customer service for private investors, banks need to leave behind their old philosophy and change their entire way of doing business (which seems to have been making money for themselves while ripping off customers).
At its core, this is a return to unimpeachable business etiquette, where building and fostering business relations is based on integrity, best practices, and cultural and regional sensitivities. This will not be an instantaneous process—trust is a state that cannot be restored overnight.
Consumers need to understand in exactly what—and with whom—they are investing, and feel confident that they are making the right decision. Further, they need to understand that though they may have invested through a financial institution, they must be the ones who are making responsible decisions to the best of their ability. Above all, investors must remember, as so many disclaimers tell us, that past performance is no guarantee of future results.
The rules of business etiquette teach us, among other things, to offer only reliable advice that keeps our customers’ best interests as the priority. Banks of the future will have to heed this rule more than any other as they rebuild the loyalty that evaporated along with the balance of our 401Ks.
Posted on Fri, Jun 18, 2010
by Lyudmila Bloch, Etiquette Expert
Recently, a seminar participant asked me for guidance on social etiquette relating to the elderly, and for my impression of how we treat the ageing and helpless in our society. The following is my answer and my personal opinion on the subject.
Taking care of the elderly, helping them with their basic needs, protecting and providing for them, is a sure sign of a civilized society. But all too often, the self-absorbed and oblivious among us still push ahead in subways, on buses, and in the streets of New York, ignoring less vigorous people who might be struggling up the stairs or timidly approaching a revolving door.
Going back in history, we find that a number of ancient civilizations – Egypt, Rome, the Arab-Islamic Empire, Kievan Rus, China – have cherished the advice of the elderly and sought their guidance in both war and peacetime. For example, an adult male in the Roman Empire was not allowed to buy his own property while his father was still alive. The head of the household had tremendous power and unconditional rule until the day he died. With nary a doubt or complaint, all adult children followed and obeyed their fathers’ orders, long after reaching their own maturity. Even today, some of these ancient traditions are carried forward, as when modern families continue honoring and respecting their cultures by sharing their homes with parents (China, Russia, Argentina, etc.).
The “Skilled Nursing Facility,” introduced in this country within the past century, is a purely American phenomenon. Multiple cultures around the world consider it disrespectful to place their family members in a nursing home. In many countries, rich or poor, young families are brought up with the understanding that someday they too will be responsible for their parents’ welfare. From that standpoint, those cultures have instilled in their young generation an acute sense of responsibility and a deep respect for age and wisdom.
Boyé Lafayette De Mente, a respected sinologist and author of The Chinese Have a Word for It, wrote, “The Chinese word…laoshi (lah-oh-shur) …which literally means elder role model, is still used today from kindergarten through university.” For more than 4,000 years, the Chinese were taught to respect their elders, holding their wisdom in the highest esteem and admiration. It’s therefore unsurprising that character education and moral behavior are of prime importance in today’s modern China. And despite their fastest-growing economy, the Chinese are not building more nursing homes – they are simply taking care of their own.
Unfortunately, our solipsistic society promotes a culture that is based on “the logic of convenience” rather than personal responsibility. Our parents, on the other hand, did not question whether they could or should keep us, or whether it was too expensive or inconvenient to have children at that time – they simply did it. And so can we! We can put aside the convenience factor and focus our attention on gratitude and love for our own laoshi when they most need it.
So on Father’s Day, ask yourself this question: Should I send my dad to a nursing home when he is unable to care for himself, or should I do my best when he needs me the most?
Posted on Fri, May 28, 2010
Photo credit: AP/ Seth Wenig
by Lyudmila Bloch, Etiquette Expert NYC
Picture your child receiving guidance on how to behave and how to deal with bullies at school from the scandal- plagued Sarah Ferguson, who was caught on tape with her black duffle bag stuffed with $40,000 in cash, according to the News of the World report from the UK. On May 26, at 8:00 a.m., Sarah Ferguson appeared as a guest hostess at BookExpo America, at the Javits Center in New York City for the traditional Children’s Authors Breakfast, where she cracked jokes in an auditorium full of literary agents, publishers, booksellers, educators, authors, and editors.
Shamed and disgraced, the Duchess of York introduced herself as a “proud mom” and author who now offers (ready for this?) parenting advice in her new book series called “Helping Hand.”
“Every child can use a helping hand,” said Ferguson from the central stage, implying that she could be that source of help to any child in America with her “timely books.”
Ashley Learns About Strangers is one of her current titles.…Given the latest developments in Sarah Ferguson’s life, she might want to consider another inspiring title for her next book -- Ashley Takes a Bribe. As Ms. Ferguson was offering her tips about real-life situations to her educated audience on Wednesday morning, a stunned attendee on my left whispered, “Wasn’t she on TV yesterday with a bag of cash?” Well, sure, it was Fergie, all right. Chalk it up to yet another a minor etiquette slip on the part of the Duchess of York.
Images of Ms. Ferguson, leading a “public school etiquette workshop” about honesty and integrity, or a “character education” class that teaches strategies for handling difficult moments, (as when you’re caught with your hand in a cookie jar) flashed through my mind.
“As you all know,” she continued, “I really don’t like grown-ups…”
Well, Sarah, we might feel a little leery too if we were surrounded by grown-ups who broker a “proper introduction” to their ex-husbands for a modest fee of $ 700,000, get caught on tape (according to the News of the World report), and then proceed to offer parenting advice and real-life strategies to our children and families.
Sadly, the Children’s Book Council and American Booksellers Association, in conjunction with the BookExpo committee, didn’t seem at all troubled by Ms. Ferguson’s recent indiscretions and negative publicity. We wonder, why? Is there a shortage of real role models in America?
Posted on Wed, Apr 28, 2010
by Sara Hamdan
The first time her phone rang, a smile spread across Courtney Smith’s lips and she answered by saying “so did you tell them yet?” as she drummed a pencil against her nose and listened, wide-eyed.
The second time, she let it ring for an extra beat before picking up and saying, “Let me call you back, I’m in the middle of something.”
The third time it rang – and yes, the other patrons at the busy Starbucks were by now eyeing the popular girl with a mixture of annoyance and jealousy – she frowned and muted the phone’s ring before answering. She then pushed her brown curls away from her face, straightened her back and cleared her throat before saying a simple “hello?”
At this point, she went on to confirm that, yes, she is Courtney Smith and, yes, she was glad to hear from them. Starting off with “hello” was a safe choice, a little distant maybe, simultaneously informal yet polite.
Many languages today still use a derivative of the word “hello” specifically for the purpose of answering the phone. And even in a world of smartphones, people are still clinging to the word when there is no real, distinct use for it in the context of phone conversations. That’s a lot of weight for two short syllables.
But when the name of the person calling you is flashing on your caller ID, use of the once-standard greeting has become more of a nonsensical gateway to a conversation, one that’s beginning to fade away from a lack of necessity. Let’s face it, the word “hello” doesn’t evoke warm feelings of deep friendships and funny memories. It doesn’t say “Hi, I care about you, how are you doing?” It also doesn’t say “Look at how polished and sophisticated I am, you should hire me.” It is an impractical social convention, having persevered through technological and linguistic changes, that today actually means something like: “My time is precious: Who are you and what exactly do you want?”
Smith, a 25-year-old graduate student at Columbia’s English department, hadn’t mulled over implications of the word “hello” before today. Now, she tilts her head to one side, her blue eyes fixed on the view outside the cafe, and nods with the sudden realization.
“Now I feel totally self conscious about answering the phone,” she says. “It is kind of weird to say hello, like you’re asking a question, if you know who’s calling. But it also feels weird if someone doesn’t answer that way sometimes. Kind of abrupt. Doesn’t it?”
Maybe now. But the Oxford English Dictionary states that the word was circulating with regularity by the mid 1800’s as a way to greet people in a variety of forms – hillo, halo, hallo and the one Jay-Z still keeps popular today: holla.
People tend to stick to the word 'hello' when using the phone today. (Photo by Tala Al Ramahi and Sara Hamdan)
The inventor of the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell, uttered his own version of the word to greet people on his new invention in the late 1870’s: “Ahoy!” Use of this expression quickly died out and Thomas Edison made its replacement, “hello,” popular as phones became more common. It all started with a note from Edison to T.B.A. David, then president of the Central District and Printing Telegraph Company of Pittsburgh, in 1877, according to Antique Phonograph Monthly: “Friend David, I do not think we shall need a call bell as Hello! can be heard 10 to 20 feet away.”
Susan Hirschhorn, a 60-year-old piano instructor in New York, grew up with the word “hello” and isn’t ready to give it up for a trendy replacement.
“People just assume everyone has caller ID and yes, I have it, but I think it shows such a level of detachment and arrogance not to say hello,” she said, her Blackberry in one hand and coffee in the other. “It makes me feel like saying – who the hell are you?”
Hirschhorn likes the structure and tradition of the word “hello,” and while she is appreciative of technological advancements, she doesn’t like to see how manners are changing, too.
“I mean, it’s like we’re headed for a total breakdown of society,” she said, her voice rising slightly. “We need that structured way to initiate a conversation.”
For others, use of the word is more a force of habit than passion. Jason Saager noticed that when he is busy thinking about something else or not really into a conversation, he sticks to reliable, old “hello.” On the other hand, when the 27-year-old is excited to talk to someone, he will say the person’s name in the greeting.
“I can say it has to do with my mood and that maybe ‘hello’ is less personal, but at the end of the day it’s habit. I mean, back in the day the word “hello” was considered informal and kind of vulgar and everyone uses it now,” said the painter, an Arizona native. “The English language is just all over the place and it’s going to keep changing.”
In the 1920s, prim and proper Emily Post, an etiquette expert who still has a following today, set the guideline in her book that “on very informal occasions, it is the present fashion to greet an intimate friend with ‘hello!’ … but remember that ‘hello’ is spoken, not called out, and never used except between intimate friends who call each other by first name.”
Etiquette experts today, like Lyudmila Bloch of Etiquette Outreach in New York, still believe the word “hello” is an essential part of phone conversations that conveys trust, openness and good manners.
“Whether you know the person or not, whether you have caller ID or not – the proper way to greet a person on the phone is simply to say hello,” said Bloch. “It’s not formal or outdated and if they don’t say it, they lack manners at the very least. When people use abbreviations like ‘hi,’ it is just inappropriate.”
True, “hello” sounds better than some other alternatives. Natalie Wilson’s grandmother, who is from the United Kingdom, is used to saying the last four digits of her phone number by way of greeting like she used to as a little girl in the countryside.
“I can’t imagine picking up the phone when my boyfriend is calling and saying 4587,” she says.
Posted on Wed, Apr 07, 2010
By Jeremy Willinger / Part 1
Etiquette is the foundation of successful, personal interactions. But when engaged in these interactions, what happens when one party has a disability? In this scenario, there are special rules of etiquette that need to be followed to ensure a respectful and fruitful relationship. With one in five Americans having a disability of some sort, these rules are more relevant than ever.
The number one rule of etiquette when dealing with a person with a disability is that just because someone has a disability does not automatically mean they are in need of help. While the courtesy of holding a door for someone in a wheelchair probably goes without saying, the vast majority of adults with disabilities should be treated as independent individuals.
When addressing a person with a disability, avoid words like “handicapped,” “retarded,” or “crippled.” More so, it is insensitive and hurtful to say “disabled people” as opposed to “persons with a disability.” If the person with a disability has an aide or helper, do not address them when speaking (as if they served as interpreter!) — focus your attention and speech on the person with a disability, and do not ask about the disability itself.
If they ask for your assistance, offer it graciously and without undue fuss or argument. It takes courage to ask for help and is a sign of harmonious etiquette to respond in kind. Try not to finish their sentences if they are slow in speaking, as patience is a sign of proper etiquette and shows respect toward the speaker. If you are having a hard time understanding their words, asking them to repeat their statements is not in bad form.
To be continued.
Posted on Thu, Mar 18, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
Asking for a raise or change of title at work is never an easy task. Sometimes people wonder if the stress of asking is worth the eventual payoff. Yet, knowing the proper way to approach your superior with this nerve-wracking request will better position you to receive the increase in salary you seek.
The number one rule in asking for a raise is to plan ahead. Much like when you were interviewed for the position you now wish to get paid more for, avoid going in without having researched and found facts. Detail and document your achievements so your boss can see the success you’ve experienced and how your work has contributed to the company’s goals and bottom line. By researching competitive salary ranges for your position, you can better judge how much to request and what others in your role are making.
The second most important tip is to consider the timing of your request. If your company has been hard hit by the financial crisis, or is on a hiring freeze, asking for more money demonstrates a lack of compassion and can ultimately harm your future prospects within the organization. Mentioning to your boss, ideally over email so nothing comes as a surprise, that you are interested in discussing your salary and role with the company, shows that you respect his or her time. Tenure at the company is also relevant to timing: asking for a raise before one year of service is inadvisable.
After a meeting is scheduled, do not share this information with anyone in the company—this also applies once you have the answer to your request. More importantly, do not schedule a vacation immediately afterwards, or call in sick, regardless of the response, as you will be under increased scrutiny by your superior. If your boss does not grant your request, consider how you can better demonstrate your commitment to your job, or plan an exit strategy that will not hurt future employment prospects. Using these tips, you stand a much better chance of receiving a few extra dollars in your paycheck, and can look forward to future steps up the corporate ladder.
Posted on Mon, Mar 08, 2010
by Jeremy Willinger
We have all seen them -- the people who barge to the front of the security line, aggressive businesspeople who run over your foot with their carry-on, and the ubiquitous armrest hog. Whereas air travel used to be a glamorous adventure, today airlines seem to have taken their inspiration from the sardine can, cramming passengers into antiquated planes and charging them $5.00 for a pillow and itchy blanket.
But even while feeling that airlines care little about their well-being, passengers can still employ a little etiquette to ensure a smoother trip for everyone. The first rule of air travel etiquette is that being nice usually goes a long way. I can recall several instances when acknowledging how busy an employee is, or speaking in a respectful, non-condescending tone, has gotten me an upgrade or at the very least a thank-you from the worker. While treating people as you would like to be treated extends to everyone, those who bear the brunt of people’s air travel frustrations may be especially in need of TLC.
When in line at security, try to take your shoes off as quickly as possible (a pair of slip-on loafers or flats is a great investment) and remove your laptop before getting to the scanner. Do you want to be the person who holds up hundreds of passengers as you fumble with a Boy Scout worthy knot on your sneakers? Laces or not, shoes should be closed-toe when flying as your feet will be safer and passengers will avoid seeing (or smelling) them.
An in-flight meal used to be a given; today you are lucky to enjoy a miniscule bag of pretzels. If you purchase food in the terminal, try to eat it before boarding. The recycled air in a pressurized cabin does not need the odor of your tuna melt from Au Bon Pain competing for nostril and lung space. It is irritating to those seated around you and, ultimately, the flight attendant is the one who is going to have to clean up any messes you make—however inadvertently.
In flight, the armrest should be considered a DMZ— fiercely guarded and respected. Whoever is in the middle seat should be granted control of the armrest, but as in elementary school, if you choose to occupy the armrest for an hour, let the other person have a turn. Consider too that it is often possible to share the armrest, one person’s arm occupying the lower half, and the other person’s arm resting on the upper portion. This may take some ongoing adjustment, but it can be mastered. If you wish to use a personal DVD player, or your plane offers seat-headrest screens, consider the company. Watching a violent or very sexy movie when there is a small child next to you would be unkind, and listening to loud music is disrespectful to fellow passengers.
An airplane cabin should generally be considered personal time - so read the vibe of your fellow passengers. If they seem open to talking or initiate a conversation, consider it on the same vibe as a networking event. Snoozers beware: your seatmate is under no obligation to wake you for beverage service.
After landing, rushing into the aisle only serves to create a thicker bottleneck. If you have to make a tight connecting flight, inform the flight attendant and he or she can help facilitate your exit. Be aware of your bags and try not to hit anyone in the head or roll over anyone’s foot as you deplane.
Flying does not have to be an ordeal. By following the guidelines above, and maintaining patience, we can all get to our destinations a lot less worse for the wear and enjoy our time (maybe not as well as George Clooney) up in the air.