By Nicole Caccavo Kear
Children are not, by nature, fine diners. They are loud, messy and unpredictable. They do not like waiting to be—or remaining—seated. And their palates are, well, developing. All of this can make restaurant dining a daunting experience for parents. But eating out in NYC isn’t a luxury, it’s an inalienable right, on par with the pursuit of happiness. The solution? Follow a few golden rules of kid dining etiquette, courtesy of restaurant workers and parent patrons, and you can enjoy the city’s culinary riches with your family—and without making mortal enemies of fellow diners and waitstaff.
It’s all about the prep work
“I have clients who are three and four years old; they have better manners than some adults.” says Lyudmila Bloch, founder of EtiquetteOutreach.com and the former Plaza Hotel’s Young Plaza Ambassadors Program. “You have to let your child know what is expected, and follow through.”
This doesn’t mean the kids need to digest all of Emily Post before brunch. Just go over the basic ground rules, which are pretty much the same for all ages—speak in an indoor voice, don’t play with your food, and use please and thank you liberally. Toddlers won’t be able to comply perfectly, so you’ll have to cut them some slack. But admonish older kids that if they can’t play by the rules, it’s Takeout City.
Let common sense be your guide
Revolving doors, brick ovens, waiters whizzing by with hot plates—add in a pint-size speed demon and things are sure to end badly. So keep the butts in the seats. “The biggest problem is that some parents carelessly let their kids run around,” says Kurt Gutenbrunner, father of four and chef at Wallsé, Blaue Gans and Café Sabarsky. “Sometimes I have to tell parents, ‘I am doing my job and you have to do your job, which is to keep your child at the table. Either you teach your children how to behave in public or you stay home.’” (Yes, he really says this.)
Perhaps less hazardous but definitely as disruptive are tableside tantrums. Every parent knows that hissy fits happen, and no one should fault you for them—unless, that is, you let the drama play out in the main dining area. “Tantrums are like cell phone calls,” says R.J. Tolan, a Park Slope dad of two. “Once they start, take them outside, because they’re nobody else’s business.”
Make a joyful sound—at home
Frankly, a baby’s ecstatic outburst can be hard to differentiate from a shriek of agony. “A random screech or yelp is fine,” says Chris Vlacich, dad of three and owner of Astoria’s Piccola Venezia. “But if it becomes persistent, noise—happy or not—is not something that restaurant guests appreciate.” So if your tot’s going through an especially squealy phase, head for a lively pub or boisterous bistro where one more loud voice won’t make much of a difference.
Manage the mess
Dining children leave oozing, sticky, crumbly messes in their wake. “Kids pour the sugar caddies out onto the table—I call it the sandbox effect,” says April Goettle, general manager of Brooklyn Label in Greenpoint. “It’s sort of a freebie for parents. Their kids make a giant mess, but they can walk away from it.”
It bears repeating: Ix-nay the food play. As for an incidental mess, you’ll win major points with restaurant staff if you help tidy up. Ultimately, though, they won’t be too perturbed by it, especially in kid-courting locales. “There’s nothing too hard about cleaning up food off the floor,” says Phil Columbo, bar manager of Bubby’s in Dumbo. “We know kids can be messy sometimes.”
Don’t sweat small service requests
Waiters are used to fussy, high-maintenance New Yorkers, and it will take more than asking for a bottle-warming or an entrée sans sauce to make a server blink twice. “We get a lot of kids with sophisticated palates who will eat the rack of lamb, but we’re happy to make mozzarella sticks or pasta with butter,” says Vlacich. “And if that’s a problem for anybody, they shouldn’t be in the restaurant business.”
Tip big
When all else fails, money talks. “If my kids have been a pain, or loud, or extra work for the waiter, I round up the tip a couple of percent,” says Tolan. At the very least, the beleaguered server can buy herself some amnesia with a beer.
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